I DROPPED THE SCREW IN THE TUNA

Remember that classic episode of Kenan and Kel on Nickolodeon where Kenan finds a screw in a tin of tuna? He, of course, is furious and tries to sue the system for the unwanted ingredient in his tuna and sweetcorn sarnie! Who wouldn’t do the same? Eventually it transpires that it was mischievousness Kel who put the screw in all along resulting in the famous last words – I, DROPPED THE SCREW, IN THE TUNA!

(if you want to rewatch this classic scene or your parents deprived you of quality television, click here)

After the horsegate scandal left Tesco’s shares looking a bit lame and customers giddying up past the frozen burger aisle on their weekly shop, it doesn’t come as much shock to discover that A WHOLE RAT was recently discovered in a can of beans.

Just imagine, you’re feeling a bit peckish and fancy some beans on toast (buttered toast, of course) (real butter, not margarine) then bam, you have Jerry in your TOMato sauce instead of a beans!

Maybe it’s an elaborate plot by an Animal Farm sort of cast to overcome the Humans by ruining their favourite foods and forcing them into starvation- allowing them to take over the world?

More realistically though, it’s probably gross negligence of factory cleanliness and a the case of a very hungry rat.

It hasn’t been revealed which of our beloved brands of beans are the culprits but Heinz and Branston (phew) have both come out saying the case has nothing to do with any of their products. So far, the offending company is keeping as quiet as a mouse about the whole situation.

Perhaps even more tragically, a post mortem  on the mouse revealed it hadn’t eaten in ages and was tinned into it’s grave without even having a little nibble on a singular bean!

This event is far from isolated as seen through the horse burgers of a couple of weeks ago.  The truth is, food is expensive and to keep up with the demand for cheap food, corners will be cut and mice will be tinned to death apparently.  If it’s not our chickens living in battery houses, or our cows udders being covered in puss filled ulcers from maintaining milk, it’s pork, beef and lamb hormones and proteins, along with water being pumped into our chicken breasts to make them appear larger so we can get charged more.

It will be interesting to see which company admits to dropping the proverbial screw in the proverbial tuna anyway.

To read the original article in The Independent about the tinned rat (I’ve affectionately called him Remy after the chef rat in Ratatouille- it’s how he’d want to go I think) then click here

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