While others may do summer somewhere exotic, this year ( like every year) I summered at Mcdonald’s where I work as a part time crew member. Glamourous, I know, but those burgers are not going to flip themselves!
Anyway at an undisclosed restaurant possibly near you, I was employing one of the methods I use to try and make the seconds on that clock tick just a little bit faster. Since, contrary to belief, working at Mcdonalds isn’t all glitz and showbiz. whilst being surrounded by Big Macs and being one pickle away from suicide, the question suddenly hit me- just how do they make holes in cheese?
Let me tell you, pondering that question made the remaining seven hours of my shift just fly by! As I lay each piece of the miraculously holey cheese on the promotional burger the fast food empire was marketing at that moment, I thought-this is genius/baffling/ inspirational/a triumph of science. (etc)
Later on as I sat in the crew room (where other employees can enjoy their forty five minute break with free extra value meal included) I questioned my peers on their views on holy cheese.
This is what we came up with:
Yasmin: you know what’s been bothering me all day? Just how do they make those holes in cheese?
Crew member one: probably something to do with the mould or something like that int it?
(quite intelligent response; unlike me, as I thought they had some sort of chiselling device. On reflection, I’m glad I didn’t share this view with everyone)
Crew member two: no! they copied the idea from cartoons like Tom and Jerry. It’s marketing you see!
(hmmm, this wasn’t quite so logical in my mind, why would cartoons invent holey cheese which viewers would fail to recognise as cheese, as that’s not the cheese they’re used to, in order to make more money?)
Anyway, I thought to solve this brain baffling nightmare (aha cheese gives you nightmares), I’d ask the great guru, Google, just how they make cheese holey
Turns out crew member one was right- it is mould, well bacteria. It’s specifically Propionibacter shermani, rampant in Swiss cheese, possibly the most famous holey cheese known to man.
Anyway, reading this you’re probably thinking I’m high on crack, lack sufficient sleep or something equally worrying. The truth is much worse, I hate my job and this is the sort of thing that helps get me through. At least if you didn’t know why cheese had holes in you do now, and like me all your notions and dreams of becoming a recreational cheese chiseller have shattered.
I need a new job.